How do I get out of jury duty?

Now I know how moralistic some of you people are so let me tell you that I have already served my time for this country in `Nam. I have no interest in court trials(hell, I don't even like judge judy) so when you literaly take a bullet for your country you come and talk to me about “American responsibilities.” So what's my best shot at a retired man getting out of jury duty in the state of California? And no I'm not gonna commit a felony!